READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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