What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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