He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
