Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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