Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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