I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
