we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
