Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
