His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
