I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
