it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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