is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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