Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
