textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
