Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
