They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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