It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
how drunk are you?
Several
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
