So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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