Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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