i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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