i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
