i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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