So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
