you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
