Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
