You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
