I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
