i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
