your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
