remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
