i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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