Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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