He uses pillows to masturbate.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
