Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
