I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
