Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
