eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
