So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
