So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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