You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
