when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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