if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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