Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
