What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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