On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
