I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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