They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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