then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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