Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
