dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm always down for nudity.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
