this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize