a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
