Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
