Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
