okay pat passed out under dana's car
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Randomize