I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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