I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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