There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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