Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
