Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
