she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
