it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize