was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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