you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
