i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
