Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
