just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
