I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
