'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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