If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
