Don't make out with my wife yet
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
