I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
