wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
