If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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