I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
