the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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