You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
