worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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