in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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