Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
